I'll see you in the ICU!

Greetings from the Fray

oh my goodness, what an awful couple of weeks it's been.

I'm so deliriously tired, I can't believe it.

I'll make it the cliff-notes version: for two weeks straight we've had back to back tests, then assignments, group projects, due. This is SO much worse than summer was--and they said summer would be the worst! There's a fair amount of disagreement between the students, too. Some people have looked at me and said "what are you, high? Summer was TERRIBLE!" and I completely disagree. Still others agree whole-heartedly with me. I just don't know how to keep up this pace. I'm closing my eyes "for a minute, to rest them" in lecture, and when I'm standing around, like waiting for an elevator. Am I falling asleep on my feet?

It's possible. I have pretty big feet.

So, this weekend is no different than the last three--I'm swamped. I have a huge paper to write and no idea how to write it, what's expected, etc. The professor is another passive-aggressive who seems to dislike us, and she's brought it up once, but only in the context of "don't forget your case presentations are due monday" and then playing this "bigger than a breadbox" style game of answering emails as cryptically as possibly (not actually answering the question) and then replying to the whole class--in case we all had the same question and wanted...what? no answer? thanks! that's so helpful!

I shot myself in the foot the other day. I left one test having felt really good about it, I was the first one done...and I went over my answers...still no one handing anything in--Ok, I over-studied, again...ten feet out the door I had a feeling I missed a whole page of questions--so I couldn't go back in and get my test--once you hand it in and leave, that's it.

I ended up with a C on that test, because she marked them all wrong--and I emailed her and asked her, and said is there anyway you can grade me out of the ones I did take?

Oh well.

SO, even the easy classes that I would normally be acing or in the High B range, I'm sabbotaging myself and shooting for a C.

I'm not too happy about that.

Pathophysiology is very tough, but not impossible. Assessing Clinical Evidence is a class I will be very happy with a C (God almighty! P-values, confidence intervals...why are we doing this NOW? this is a GRADUATE level class!! what a waste of our time in this hectic year, but I love this professor, she's Canadian (don't hold that against her) and she's very nice, accessible, funny, and an 80's girl at heart.)

So, that's it for the school drama.

I'm trying hard to keep my grades up, but my big fear is passing at all. I worry about that constantly--they're so hard on us, and the expectations are so damned high--on top of that it seems they take every opportunity to work against us in the form of misinformation, or half-informations...you spend most of your time chasing things down, getting 4 different answers from four different people, etc.

What keeps me awake at night is thinking that my grades are going to suck so hard that I'll not get into a master's program in California...and I'll be forced to come back here, to the sinking-ship on fire CRNA program where the director has no clue.

Ok, that's the rant for the day.
I could go on (and frequently do, on the phone with hubby) but I won't, anymore.
I miss you guys and can't wait to come home for the holidays.

posted by sketchmonkey @ 5:33 AM