I'll see you in the ICU!

Speaking of Crazy...

I'm off for three fabulous days, and the weather reminds me of home in July. It's nice. 60 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. The kind of weather that makes you smile.

Yesterday we had a meeting with a higher-up to discuss the crap way we've been treated in the anesthesia department. The new director hasn't given us a moment of her time, dedicating herself more to the MSN students, and we're like the step-children in a victorian novel, locked away in the attic.

The long story made short: the new director has made it so that we can't take an extra year off to work in an ICU, or we'll forfeit our spot in the master's program. It's unlcear whether we're to have 50 weeks, 11 months, or 1900 hours of ICU experience, since we've heard all three. And, no one is hiring new grads directly into the ICU without previous experience in a step down or regular med-surg floor. So, how are we to get this year's experience? They've tightened restrictions because this is an accreditation year for them here.

Right now, I'm just depressed. I woke up and couldn't get out of bed for about an hour (that's not like me) and I just lay there and thought about everything. I hate everything and everything is heavy-feeling.

My preceptor wouldn't fill out my evaluation and go over it with me, but instead, I had to go back yesterday and put the form in her hand (that she said I never gave her, but has been sitting in her box for 2 months now, since day one) and she told me to come back later and pick it up.

On the one hand, I'm glad I don't have to see her again--she just grates on me...she'll start off saying one thing, for ten minutes, nag nag nag, and then you realize it's turned into a sort of "why you'll never be good at this" tirade, and you're unwittingly nodding mindlessly repeating your numb "yeah, mmm hum, right....yes" agreeing with her.

I just want a rest.

But I also feel like I need to hit the bricks running when I get home...I almost want to step off the plane with a stack of resumes, and go straight to every ICU between SFO and home and drop them off, shake hands and fill out applications.

When you voice this stress over getting a job and starting within two weeks they say "other students have done it in the past" to which I say "yeah? Under Eileen? and her Accreditation Crack-down changes that make it look like this is such a great program?"

I think I'd better get out and walk around today.
I've no idea where I want to go, but just out. Hop on a downtown train and go wandering around somewhere worth seeing. (San Fran, perhaps?)

I"m still hoping and praying I'll get into Merritt, but I'm looking at anesthesia programs at USC, Fullerton, (my next two dreams) then Arizona, Minnesota (both the Minneapolis school of Anesthesia and the U of M--how ironic would that be?) Michigan, U Penn (Laura, need a roomie?) and Downstate in Brooklyn,to name a few.

ANYTHING but COLUMBIA.
What a waste of $70K this has been, seriously. I could have gotten a BSN for a fraction of the cost. (I KNOW...YOU TOLD ME SO!) :)

When people said "Don't go...it's BAD" I had no idea how bad really BAD could be. So, now I know.

I picked up my white coat the other day; did I say this already? It's embarrassing and I don't even think I'll put it on--the sad truth is that as an RN you could NEVER wear a white coat, unless you're preceptoring or something...you'd get beaten down by the other nurses who would look at you like you want to be, or think you are a doctor, and you wouldn't know shit about shit.

Why they give us these things is ridiculous...the nursing pin would have been more meaningful and appropriate. But too many people were coming here, getting the (overpriced) BSN and never coming back (and, we all know why)

The white coat (a $14 item) will go into the back of the closet for eternity, until such time that I pass my MSN.

In protest, I probably won't put it on, but continue to carry it.

Ah yeah, you know how my unit won't let me draw blood or put in IVs?
My friend Shannon is in the CTICU; they've been letting him pull out Swans.
How do you like that?
(for those of you that don't know, the Swan-Ganz catheter is (usually) a triple lumen cath that is inserted thru (usually) the right IJ (though this pic shows it going into the left subclavian, I've never seen it there) and is threaded thru the heart all the way to the pulmonary artery. Remember, my friend Shannon is on the wire, pulling this out, and I can't draw blood with vacutainer and butterfly needles)

posted by sketchmonkey @ 5:55 AM