I'll see you in the ICU!

oh, my head!

Today, and yesterday, too, really, my head's been aching.
Right behind the eyeballs, sometimes behind the frontal sinuses.

Could be that I'm not sleeping right.
Could be a tumor.
Could be the heater dumping CO into the house (almost died of carbon monoxide poisoning once, in Minnesota) or it could be the lack of coffee since I'm not drinking it during the day, but after I wake up at night.

In any case, my head is killing me and I'm going to call in sick tonight. I have had two nights off in a row, and if I take tonight off, I'll effectively have a total of 4, or is it 5, nights off in a row.

I desperately need a break. This place is working me to the ground.

I went to class yesterday at UCSF (med surg emergencies) and it was interesting. During the break, I went up to talk to the Nurse Educator and mentioned to her that I was interested in their critical care training program, and that I'd missed it for summer despite applying in the first week of march. She gave me some people's names and told me to apply now, etc, and seemed excited about my education and my experience in an ICU. The drawback: if I go here, it will be in February, and I'd have to commit to one year of service to them. This puts me out of the running for Columbia, and forces me to REapply. Worse, this forces me to have to ask for reference letters. Right now, I can't imagine this; I'm the boob that doesn't know shit--what sort of reference letters would I get from my current employer? I shudder to think.

I got an email from someone at Columbia, in the CRNA program. She describes understanding what I was going through all last year, since she and her SO are now hating New York and want to leave, but if she leaves, she's in the same boat I am...having to find a new place, and reapply to new programs, so they're toughing it out for an unbearable 3 more years.

This matches the email I got from another gal, who went back home to San Diego, with hopes of applying at USC and a few other schools, but essentially said the same: how can I ask for references now, and how can I let my spot go?

it's a tough call.

If I go to UCSF, I could get 2/3 tuition paid by them to continue on in their NP program, but what would I do? I really wanted to do anesthesia...would acute care be a happy place for me? I don't think so, but it would be a far cry better than bedside care, which is wearing me the hell out.

posted by sketchmonkey @ 12:18 PM