I'll see you in the ICU!

I was watching...

"Two Weeks Notice" (god-awful Sandra Bullock/Hugh Grant movie) set in New York.

I never get tired of this joke: wait until there's some GORGEOUS view of NY, usually involving that one perfect spring or autumn night that occurs once a year, a romantically lit bridge, and sparkling lights on the water, and then say "ah, New York looks SOOOooo beautiful...like one of the prettiest cities in the world." and try to get through that without laughing.

Pretty much, that joke made me realize that it's not where I want to be. Even the people who criticized me for being so whiney about how SUCKY it was are now writing me and telling me they hate NYC and want to leave, and are in the same boat I am--how to apply to a new school/get references/give up the spot at Columbia...yadda yadda.

Bottom line is New York sucks. It's just a matter of spending enough time there to realize it. For me, that time was 4.3 seconds. For others, it's a couple months or years.

So I guess for now I have my answer. I'm going to stop thinking about Columbia, and New York, and if I blow my chance then so be it. If I end up too sick and disabled to do bedside care, and can't find the energy to return to school, then so be it.

Things happen for a reason, I suppose. I have to be in the now in order to stop being so miserable. I don't know if I can really DO this; this is just lip-service at this point--intellectualizing/verbalizing on here what it is I THINK will be the right answer.

I truely hate obsessing. So I'm going to set this down, and walk away from it, and hope that things work out.

posted by sketchmonkey @ 12:48 AM