I'll see you in the ICU!

bad--> worse--> intolerable!

oh my, where to begin?
it was so bad I couldn't bring myself to write about it.
It was like Hiroshima, in female crazy form.

I'll give you the short version:

I ask a lot of questions, I know this. This will clue you in to how untrained I am, or rather, how little training I'm getting: they paired me up with Andrea, the girl they hired after me, who has a handful of years experience in ER. She seemed cool at first, very willing to offer up stuff that other people just did without telling me why.

On the 4th, they brought back one of my patients who had gone down to the floor--he was in ARD (acute respiratory distress) and they were fixing to intubate him again. It was tense in the room, and she's putting in a peripheral IV and while she's talking to me, saying "see, you never want to push with anything bigger than a 3 cc syringe because you'll blow the end of the catheter off, you have to push with the smaller syringe..." the doc is trying to get her attention and finally yells "Hey!" at her.

Really, not a time to be teaching me, she could have told me this later.

Outside the room, I asked her about what she had said because it had gone contrary to what I learned from ICU skills day, and the PICC line nurse: NEVER push with anything SMALLER than a 12 cc syringe, or you'll blow the end of the PICC out.

Which was right?

She kept insisting that that's a picc line, and piccs end up in the heart, yadda yadda, she was talking about peripherals, not piccs, and explaining to me what a peripheral is, and what a picc is--for fuck's sake, woman...I know what the difference is.

"I understand that much, my question lies farther up, at the syringe. It's a matter of physics. The broader area of the bigger syringe pushes with less force."

Pressure (P) = Force (F) divided by Area (A)
P=F/A

Am I crazy? or are, in her peripheral, the laws of physics reversed?

I tried to nod and say "yes, I see...uh huh" but I kept coming back to one of these logics is wrong. When she got a little heated up, and starting getting a bit insulting, I backed down and said "ok, this is just one of those things I'll have to just remember as such"

She blew fucking up. "You know what your problem is?! YOU DON'T LISTEN!! you need to SHUT up and LISTEN! you're so STUBBORN!! Everyone KNOWS you are not happy here! YOU have a BAD ATTITUDE and you are a NEGATIVE PERSON!! You need to LISTEN!!! nothing MORE!!!"

Wow.
What a fucking bitch.



you know when you make what you think is a friend, and you confide things in them, the sort of things like "I'm not happy here" and then they blurt that shit out on the floor, with 20 people around?

yeah.

So--this bitch then went in, trying to be sneaky, to talk to the charge nurse in the morning. I was trying to do the same, lingering and so was she--straightening things, etc. So, I let her--then I snuck up to the office and said "oh, and when you're done, could I also have a word with you?"

Bwah ha ha!

So, my charge sat us both down and we started talking about what had happened. Initially, it seemed she was taking her side, and insisting that I not question my preceptors--what I need is skills not anything else. THIS is what I need to learn, in her eyes. Half way thru it all, she seemed to switch camps and take my side. My real concern, and source of unhappiness, I told my charge, is that I'm getting paperwork and policy, and not any acute care, and I'm worried that in a month they're going to turn me loose, with no acute care knowledge and I'm going to be responsible for someone's death. She understood this and reassured me that this wasn't going to happen. Nut job also nodded supportingly and said "yes, you can always ask one of us...WE'RE here for you (fake smile)"

"can we work together?" my charge asked in the end.
Of course we can. I don't have a problem.

Psycho was of course, a big phoney, smiling and acting like she'd been supportive and kind thru the whole thing--smiling and acting like it had been me that had blown up. Bitch please. All I did was try to get you to calm down, and stick to the point. You were insulting. "I never said that"

"well, there were about 20 people out there who overheard the whole thing...we could easily get one of them to come in here and talk about who said what"

hah.

So, this isn't even the bad part: I left, and the bitch was hanging out by the ER door, where we exit. "are you ok?"

"not really. I don't like what you did there. Blurting out shit I had said to you in confidence was not cool at all."

"EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE NOT HAPPY HERE!" blah blah...on and on she went in her tirade. I just kept walking. You're no friend, I thought, and I will work with you, but talking to you outside anything that's not directly work related is OVER.


She says then "Well, I'm not going to preceptor you anymore, then!"

Is she serious?
I wanted to laugh, but it was clear she's nuts, so I just let it roll off me like water off a duck. I went to my car and wondered if she's capable of knifing my tires, or keying my car. I wanted to call my charge and tell her screwball had cornered me in the lot, and what she'd said, but I let it go. I talked to my charge the following morning and told her I didn't want to call her, that I knew crazy would and that she was probably up to "here" with all of it because I sure am; it's not in my vocabulary to do this kind of crap and I am tired of it myself. My charge nodded and said she appreciated it, and she's been on my side ever since.

The following day, I kept my smile on, and didn't talk to crazy. She ignored me too, which was fine. I worked with someone who gave me all sorts of cool tips on lab values and what to anticipate, etc. The first person to actually teach me anything acute care!

The following night, I worked with the Philipinas--I brought it up, smiling, about how much of a problem I start when I ask questtions--they were dying to ask but weren't going to. I told them what happened and they rolled their eyes and said "Duh, you made her feel stupid--she's wrong. It's like you say--the bigger syringe pushes with less force, but she didn't have anything but to get mad at you; just ignore her"

BWAH HAHAHA!!

I made a joke that I wasn't going to ask any more questions, and when I do, I smile and say "now, don't go crazy on me if you think I'm asking you too many questions, but..." and they laugh. I've gotten nothing but support over this now.

And, my charge told me that she's signed me up for a critical care course in January/February, but it's all the way out in Dublin. (fucking hell, what a commute)

Things I should have taken into consideration:
Last night, this crazy bitch admitted to being just over her period--last week was PMS.

Also, she's planning a wedding--talk about stress. All she talks about is dresses, and flowers, and so forth.

When I had told her I was in the anesthesia program at Columbia but wasn't going back, she said to try Merritt. "Sure," I said, "Imagine my resume and yours hit their desk next year...who's is more impressive? I have no chance of getting in"

"Oh, you'd be surprised, I went there to talk to them about the CRNA program and what they care about more is GPA and GRE scores. You mean to tell me that if I know the area of a triangle that's more important than being a good nurse?!"

The area of a triangle...is that what she thinks the GRE is? She told me she bombed. I told her I did ok on it, but that experience was lacking for me to be eligible. She disagreed. So she wanted to do what I'm doing, but couldn't.

Ah, the green monster and I didn't even see it.

Anyway--that was the drama.

We work together, but we don't shoot the shit anymore. No words exchanged that aren't required. There's no room in my life for backstabbers or nuts, so I'm not worried about it. I treat her cordially, smile and do talk to her when it's needed, but apart from that, screw her.

Aren't you glad you're not me?

posted by sketchmonkey @ 12:28 AM