Well, well, well...it's been 5 years since my last post...
Ah, friends. Where to begin? I'm not sure whom is even looking at this blog anymore, and maybe it will serve as a warning to anyone wanting to go into this miserable profession in some distant future of googling "ICU" or "Anesthesia" or "CRNA." I can tell you what my life is right now. For the last few months, I've been waking up, and goofing off on the computer--sometimes buying things on ebay, sometimes selling (mostly selling lately) and sometimes laying out the outline for a book I want to write. The subject of this book is the reality of the nursing profession, as I've experienced it. There are so many myths and ideas...none of them made clear to you BEFORE you head down this path. I honestly have to say that one friend (ONE!) and my own mom tried to dissuade me. I should have listened. 12 years ago, I sat in this very spot, on the computer, recently laid off from my job as an architecture intern. I was months away from taking my first of many licensing exams. The though paralyzed me with fear--everyone fails and has to retest, over and over, so I wasn't looking forward to it. At the time, the toughest thing I did was take statics, or physics, or structures...I had never been truly tested (as I have been now!) 12 years older, and what have I got? About $168,000 worth of student loan debt. No job. No student loan "forgiveness" as they tell you you'll be getting once you're a nurse. Prospects? A few, but not very good ones. I just submitted an application for a job working with former military personnel (those hospitals with good benefits, but not great pay, that provide medical care for former uniformed persons? those two initials victor, alpha...you get it) and this job was for providing advice over the phone, answering questions. For this job you need at LEAST three years of CRITICAL CARE BEDSIDE EXPERIENCE. Wow, just to talk on the phone--see what I mean? to do anything as a nurse, you always need to be stepping down. I'm GROSSLY overqualified for this job, but I probably won't get it--why? because somewhere, out in the midwest or the deep south, someone with 35 years experience of being an ER nurse, or having her hand in a cracked open chest, doing heart massage in the OR, or something like this will decide he or she would like to be in San Francisco, and THEY will get the job--they need one too. Their knees are ruined, their backs are ruined, oh yes, did I mention we're all working with herniated disks somewhere in our spine, and nerve damage, and often, we're more fucked up than the patients we're taking care of, whining at us about chronic pain issues when we're standing on burning feet, working 6 twelve hour shifts in a row, not getting to go take a lunch or pee break because they keep hitting the call light crying for pain meds because they really want to sleep, and are not in any pain, and you just want to smother them with a pillow? Ah, but I digress...Not every day is like this in the ICU. Some days are ok. Other days, you get yelled at by patients, patients' famillies, doctors, your charge nurse, a co-worker, a lab tech, a lunch tray deliverer...why everyone working at the hospital is so miserable, I have no idea...but it's a shit storm. I just resigned from a position that SHOULD have been ideal. It's about 1/2 mile from my house, the pay was great, but I worked with two people who made my life a living hell and it jeopordized patient safety so I just resigned. I thought, "fuck this...I still have my per diem job at the General" (but that was then!) So, as I'm recovering from working at the horrid community hospital, my OTHER boss (at the per diem job) gets a bug up his butt about how I am no longer working 40 hours a week for HIM, (without benefits, thanks) and that I was only giving him the minimum availability that I needed to by law...(because I was working 40 hours at the horrid community hospital) and so he got mad and gave me an ultimatum--either I need you more hours, or I'm going to have to close your position and hire someone who can give me more availability. So, I gave him more, and he decided that it wasn't enough,and that was that--my position was closed, and it's all perfectly legal...they can do this if you're PER DIEM--you're working without a contract. So, there's nothing bad about it...it's not like being fired, but I still have no job. So, everything I don't need is going up on ebay, and I'm spending my days applying for jobs that my advanced certifications (CCRN, CPAN, and TNCC) scream that I'm overqualified for, but someone with way many more years at the bedside than I will probably end up with. Welcome to nursing. Now, bend over so we can kick you repeatedly in the ass. oh, everyone loves nurses. Except other nurses.
posted by sketchmonkey @ 10:00 AM
2 Comments:
Hi there,
I was accepted into Columbia ETP for next month and had submitted my deposit and all...but worry I may be setting myself up for a big financial mistake.
If you had to do it all over again, would you have gone to Columbia for their nursing program? Or would you have sought out other, less expensive, programs? In short, was Columbia (specifically ETP year) worth it?
Thanks so much, hope your situation's improve since this post, and I hope to hear from you!
Kaitlin
I don't remember my log in, so I'll post this as anonymous...I was just saying today, going to this school is my #1 regret in life. I am SIX FIGURES IN DEBT! And the job is NOT what the tell you it is. It's been 8 years, and I've worked on and off (mostly off, because of bullying) for about half that time. The time that I do work, I love the patients, the patient's families...and I want to do my job correctly--but the SYSTEM in place, at almost every hospital is a joke, and it's all going to be in my book. Let me save you the heartache--run, don't walk--AWAY FROM COLUMBIA and if you HAVE TO be a nurse, go somewhere else, where you WON'T be six figures in debt.
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