I'll see you in the ICU!

it's called "esprit d'escalier"

Spirit of the staircase.
The little ghost that hangs out waiting for you to be passing by, on the stairs, and it whispers to you the appropriate come-back for what you just stared blankly at.

This has happend to me today.
well, in my defense, I'm distracted.

My preceptors gave me a couple "acceptables" which is pretty shitty, to me. Considering all my other evaluations were so good. Last rotation, psych, I got all 4s (Exceptionals) and they've warned the preceptors not to do this, because "no one is exceptional."

So, my preceptor, whom I've seen 8 times, said something about me always seeming to wander around, looking for someting to do, rather than "hang out in the room with my kids"

LOL
yeah, when there are two blood pressure machines on the floor, and you can't find one, you tend to wander around, looking for them.

They also made 2 comments about weaknesses and asked me to come up with a third. While most of the ass-kissers said "gee...I really need to build confidence calculating meds" and bullshit like this, I responded to one of their critiques about me.

They said I "tend to get frustrated" and that I "need to remember that they're only KIDS!!" to which, I said, that I took this personally, because the patient they were referring to was this little ten year old bitch who was so absolutely shitty to me, that she struggled and fought me the whole time. "I only need to get your temp and blood pressure," I said, and she would fight and kick and say "NO!!!" and pull the covers over her head, and so on. I said, it's hard not to take this personally, when the patient was in such a bad mood that day. Sure, I admitted to being frustrated, that day.

She wrote, for my third comment "takes things personally"

ROFL
A former architect, someone who goes through school hearing that your work is shit, and to do this over; who has long ago separated comments about my work, and myself...takes things personally. Whatever.

In the end, my passive-agressive group gave them two $35 gift certificates, ($70) and said this chip in was $14 a piece.

There are 8 of us.

You do the math. This adds up to $112. Aren't groups fabulous? Perhaps the remaining $42 went for the 2 dozen cupcakes someone made the night before.

Or...Three people didn't chip in.
But, today was my last day with this group of people, and I can say I'll miss one or two of them, but beyond this, I'm glad to be done with all the passive-agressive/adolescent games.

Now, I hear from someone in the "real world" that she's going thru this now!
Oh no...you mean it doesn't stop!? Say it ain't so! (female dominated professions, great)

I have my PEDS final tomorrow and then I'm done.

I have a slew of dr. appointments when I get back: I have a palpable sublingual nodular mass, and it's scary. Probably caught something fatal in this shit hole.

I can not WAIT to leave New York.
I seriously can NOT.

Coming from San Francisco, a major metropolitan city, I thought NY would be no different...great food, everything is open 24 hours...right? Just like San Fran on the east coast? Wrong!!! New York is a disgusting city, dirty, smelly, and the people...don't get me started. This program is a disaster (putting it mildly)
and it's only getting worse. No one knows, or is willing to tell you, shit. You fly by the seat of your own pants. There were 168 of us that started, there are 157 of us now. Many folks are just hanging in there for the passing C. (want those nurses?)

I've managed to keep nearly a 3.5, which is absolute crap for me (compared to my undergrad in architecture and my prereq courses...OK, I got a B in Physics, and I think I got a B in Advanced medical chemistry, but beyond that...)But this has pretty much been at the expense of my health and life. I study ALL DAY, and there's still not enough time to read everything you need to read in order to make a passing grade. The tests are impossibly hard (but they tell you it's in order to get you ready for the NCLEX) well...how about instead, you learn the subject you're teaching, and know the corresponding names of the anatomy, hm?

I'm meeting with a well-connected someone over the break to see if they can help me make the transfer to a California school. If I have to come back here, I'd rather jump in front of a New York Subway (and die among the rats.)

Ugh! This place blows so much...
Now I only hope my integration preceptor isn't some freak with issues, and I can actually learn something in the next two months. I'm so outta here, then, that it isn't even funny.

posted by sketchmonkey @ 2:44 PM